EXCERPT:

I drifted out to the garden. The guys holding the party shared the house, an unusually good-sized one, right by the sea front. They had a garden and a shed, and they had bikes. That was a thrill for me; I had no money and no license, but I was drawn to them regardless. And to the guys who rode them.

Nicky was the only person out there, finishing a smoke. He was leaning up against his bike, parked by the back gate. There was a service road running behind the house where they brought the bikes in and out of the garden. I didn’t really know him except as a friend of a friend, and one of the guys who lived here. There were rumors about him, I knew that. He was bright but stubborn; he went his own way, didn’t always turn up for lectures though there was no doubt he’d pass his course. He had no family around here, no one to be beholden to. The rumors about his sex life were more scandalous and rather more difficult to confirm or deny because I’d never seen him around campus with anyone. And he was difficult to miss: tall with the broad shoulders and slim waist of a swimmer, and a shock of bleached white hair. Bright, lively eyes, a square jaw, and lips unusually full for a man. He looked astonishingly fine in his black leathers. Astonishingly fine in anything, I suspected.

He nodded hello, and we shared a couple of cans of beer. I can’t remember exactly what we talked about except for the bike. Maybe something about college, which tutors were good, which bad. Any mutual friends we knew, where we went drinking in the evenings, what music we listened to. It was relaxed; we found plenty in common. But I do remember the way my heart seemed to beat double-time and how dry my mouth was. I’d never had that reaction to anyone before in my life.

“Patrick,” he said at last. His voice was quiet; he sounded amused. He was the only person who ever called me by my full name, though I didn’t think I’d introduced myself that way. “If you want to touch, you can. I’m cool with it. Just ask.”

I was startled. “Sorry, it’s just…. I always wanted a bike, you know?” I was gabbling, I know. “Never going to be able to afford it, of course, and there’s nowhere to keep it, and anyway, Mum would expire from panic if I turned up on one; you know how parents are—”

“Not the bike,” he interrupted. He dropped the cigarette to the ground and squashed it under his boot. “Me.”

I just stared. I know I went red because I can remember to this day the heat of it, all up my neck, all through my body. “What the fuck?”

Nicky shrugged, his gaze on me all the time. The lively eyes watched me, traveling over my face, lingering—unless I imagined it—on my mouth. “I think you know what I mean. You’ve been looking at me for the last half-hour. Really looking. Maybe you followed me out here so we could have some private time.”

I was suddenly, shockingly angry. “I don’t know what the hell you mean.”

“Okay.” He nodded. He held up a hand to reassure me. Long, strong fingers; wide palm. “So maybe it was coincidence. Don’t get me wrong, though, I’d like it if you had. I’d like to get to know you. I’ve been watching you, too, you know?”

Did I know? Even then, of course I did. “I’m with a girl,” I blurted out. I don’t know what possessed me to say it like that.

Nicky nodded again, smiling ruefully as if he knew exactly what had prompted my defensiveness; as if he’d been proved right. “Okay, I see.” He didn’t apologize or say anything more about it. Maybe if he had, things would have been different. Very different. But instead, I felt an irresistible need to respond, to establish myself with him as the man I was. As I thought I was.

“So how long have you been riding?” My voice sounded a bit hoarse, but I ignored it. “Where are the best places around here? I’m told there are some great trails over the downs.”

He was still looking rather too closely at me, but I couldn’t step away without losing face. That’s what I told myself. Not that I liked those lively eyes searching me, that mouth smiling at me, those hands gesturing toward me. Not that I could almost feel his breath on my cheek, if I just leaned forward that little bit more….

“Come and see.”

“Huh?” I was startled again. Goose bumps ran down my spine. Nicky grinned. Suddenly he looked younger, less confident: just another student like me. Just a guy… like me.

“Come on a ride. I’ve got a spare helmet. There’s still enough light for a trip out to the downs.”

I laughed aloud. “I can’t. Of course not. I mean….”

Nicky grimaced. “The girlfriend. Right.”

“No,” I protested. “It’s not like that. It’s not like I have to stay with her. You know? I mean….” My gaze ran over the bike, admiring it. Also the leather-clad legs that rested against it, the muscled thighs, the tight belly I could see shadowed under his tight T-shirt. I cleared my throat. “She doesn’t like bikes much.”

“Sure.” Nicky straightened, picked up his helmet. “I understand, Patrick, really I do. It’s scary the first time.”

“Riding the bike?” I stared at him dumbly.

He paused for a second and then nodded. “Yeah.”